Thursday, February 18, 2010


Well... I guess I just jinxed myself.

Squeak hasn't missed a pill, and she threw up just now anyway.




My mind is calmer today. It has been a whirlwind two weeks, and I have had so many highs and lows. Right now, as I sit here with my sick kitty lying across my chest with her head on my shoulder purring like a banshee, I am calm. I poured a little vodka, peach schnapps, blood orange soda cocktail, and I've decided to sit down and write for a few minutes. Between that and talking, it's the only way it seems I can get things out of my system. Due to my stupid F'ing insurance, the therapist hasn't really been an option until recently. John has been working, and we have had family obligations that have kept us apart for much more than I care to admit.

Thankfully this weekend, we are off together and we have no plans. Well we have one plan, but it isn't anything that will keep us apart or drive us crazy. At this point, I don't have much more energy than to list the things (with a small notation) that are keeping me from sleeping without medication every night.

Squeak is sick - She has been sick for more than six months now, and I don't think she is getting any better. At this point we have her stabilized, but that could change with a single missed dose of a pill.

Shauna's death - She died last March, on the 16th. I still think of her often, and my heart breaks knowing that my Squeak is sick now too.

My father and my brother - This is the straw that is breaking my back. This last episode has put me out of commission for most of this week. I simply can not deal with it. I love them both. I see both of their sides. I will not take sides, because I love them both, and I do not want this to happen. Of course, I have no control, and it seems like no one has control, and this bus is veering down the road like something out of the movie "Speed".

Having a baby - NO we aren't having a baby yet, and **** if I can't stand hearing that ******* question one more time. We are working on it, and at times it seems freaking hopeless.

The garbage disposal is leaking water. I caught it before it ruined the cabinets, but I haven't had the time or energy to figure out what to do next, so my stockpot is catching the water and I'm pretending like it's not broken.

What is good you ask?

My husband is so wonderful I can hardly believe he is mine.

My job is awesome, and my bosses are very special,and I am so happy to be working with them.

My friend - I have a new friend that I work with, and while she isn't my sister, and I miss working with Daisy dearly, I truly treasure my new friend.

School - After nine million years of being out of school, I have taken a baby step and gone back, and I LOVE it!

Cats - Squeak and Catria shower us with love every single day, and I love them so much.


Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Sick and tired

Gosh, I can't believe the last post I wrote was from the Wedding day. That wonderful, horrible day.

The repurcussions of that night are still reverberating in my life, worse than ever. I have decided that I am going to try to vent about it. I seriously doubt anyone that would be offended reads this anyway, and if they do, please don't be offended. These are my feelings, and my words, and I have to vent them.

To be continued....


Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Lent - from

February 09


I'm not Catholic, so I'm not going to be giving up anything for Lent.

My close friend is Catholic and "will be until the day he dies", but he says he's not a "practicing" Catholic, so he's not giving up anything for Lent either.

One of my bosses is on a cruise, so I don't know what she gave up for Lent, but i'm sure she found someone on that boat to give her an ash mark last Wednesday, and I'm equally sure she gave up something for Lent.

The other boss gave up sweets for Lent.

I felt the need to protest. He really likes sweets, and can be unruly without them. I told him he should've given up girly martinis instead... At least that wouldn't affect us at work

Then I ate a big ole piece of my birthday cake in front of him


11:40 AM