My favorite quote

A few days ago I said that my favorite quote was "An optimist is someone who goes after Moby Dick in a rowboat and takes the tartar sauce with him" by Zig Ziglar.

Ever since I heard this quote I have loved it.  I love whales, I love the sea, I love tartar sauce, I love the idea that one day I could be an optimist.

I don't know what it is, but I have never considered myself an optimist, though I do strive to be one.  Kind of like I've never been a morning person, but I strive to be one.

Char

Limoncello Martini

So if you read my laundry list of stuff I want to blog about down below, you saw that I made myself a fantastic drink when I got home Friday night.  (That reminds me, I REALLY need to do some laundry.)

I wanted something lemony, and I remembered the homemade Limoncello that my wonderful BIL made for us.  It's been in the fridge, so I pulled it out and mixed it up in a shaker with some Ciroc Vodka (My fave), some Grand Marnier and lots of ice.  It was absolutely delicious!

Go get you some!

I just love me a nummy cocktail!

Char

Christmas Eve Bummer

I was enjoying the 'W' family Christmas but really missing my husband. He made it just as we were sitting down to eat. You can bet that turned this frown upside down!
C

The macabre terpsichorean like unfolding of a car accident...

The macabre terpsichorean like unfolding of a car accident, you know that moment while it is happening.. at least for me... it's in slow motion... you hear the car skidding, even though you have your foot slammed down on the brake pedal as hard as you can... you feel the anti lock brakes pumping, you look left and right to see if there is any escape...you start to see the hood buckling, you hear the horrible sound of metal crunching and plastic parts popping in an awful melody of screech.bang.crunch.pop.hiss.sputter...you look down at your legs, you look up out the windshield...glance to the left, glance to the right...lie back in the seat and look straight forward at the horror that has been wrought upon you, the horror you have wrought upon yourself.

That was my Friday morning.

Fortunately... or not... I happened to be following my husband in to work to sign health insurance paperwork, so the person that I rear ended was him.  The bumper of his truck has been sliced and permanently tattooed with the imprint of the front of my car.

Not two minutes later....screech.crash.bang.pop.crunch.hiss.sputter... a four car pileup right next to us.  This is a new light in this intersection.  Clearly they don't have the timing right yet...

I called my dealership, the service department people that have taken care of me for many years... they said if it is driveable to drive it in, I would be in good hands... my dear friend, and prime handholder JR was on vacation.  Dave did take good care of me.  ... I called work and spoke to the receptionist... the bosses are out of the office today... I called OnStar and had them connect me to the police department the police department give me crap because i called OnStar and didn't hit the red police/fire/emergency button...I'm not damaged I tell her...I hit my husband... do I have to report it... well that depends on your insurance company, in this instance you only have to report it if your insurance company requires a report... called the insurance company... no report is necessary, take it to the garage. Told them where I wanted to take it... where I already had arrangements to take it.. Oh your garage is on our approved list (thank God!)... We walked down to the other accident scene to talk to policeman handling the other accident, explain the situation... he waves us on our way...

Driving slowly and carefully with a buckled hood...morning rush hour... i can feel everyone is staring... why is she driving that pretty car in such a state... they are probably wondering... hisss....smoke puffs.... hisss..... call dealership, thankfully my new BFF Dave answers... uhm I think I punctured the radiator... smoke is coming out pretty hard now... I'm at X and X - less than five minutes away, do you think I can make it to you, or should I pull over... Pull over, here's the number to the towing company we use.  It'll be okay, don't worry, you're in good hands...

Call the towing company... I'm a mess, I can barely talk, the dispatcher can't hear me... I say about three times where I am... John is outside my window holding my hand...I'm pretty sure I'm still in shock...dispatcher tells me to close up the car, leave a note on the window saying that "X Towing company" is coming to get it and leave the key under the mat... uhm..... i sputter... sputter... ma'am... are you ok???  Well I'm afraid to do that... won't someone steal my car... oh...I look out the front windshield... well I guess they won't get very far will they... that was a dumb question... well I don't know... he says "it'll be ok, people do it all the time.."  He says someone will be here within 45 mins to get the car....I mumble again and hang up... I tell John... he asks if I want coffee.... I say YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!.  He goes and gets coffee... I send an email to family letting them know that we won't be going to have a little getaway I had invited everyone to at the beach this Saturday, because I had an accident instead... I'm ok, but my car isn't... (Thanks to Summer and Daisy for the phone calls btw.  I love you two SO.DAMN.MUCH.)

I call my friend in the insurance business... and ask her off the record how screwed I am...  She confirms that I'm pretty screwed... my deductible is only $100 though... but so is John's.  Great... I ask her what I have to do next... she gives me the 800 number to call and open a claim... Why am I screwed you ask... well they will penalize me for having an accident... on my next renewal... which is in January... of COURSE it is.

I call the ins 800#... the lady is very... professional... she almost seems to be...placating me... John points out that she's being empathetic, and trying to make me feel better... I see that he's right and I loosen up a bit.  Coffee is screaming hot... I open the lid so it cools down... I take a sip of John's with a little something to calm me down.... The phone call with the insurance company takes f.o.r.e.v.e.r!  I will get a rental car allotment of $20 per day.  Great news.

Still waiting for the tow truck... I call him back and let him know that we decided to wait for them to show up... he says it'll probably be around 30 more minutes... ok....

I called one of my bosses who is home*... tell him what happened.. he is extremely sweet and kind and caring, and tells me that I don't have to come in, if I think J can handle it all... I tell him I will let him know what I decide to do.  We decide not to bother the other boss who is on vacation out of town... I'm not dying or bleeding, so we'll tell him on Monday. 

Not really feeling much of anything but sadness and disgust really.  Later my body aches my neck, upper and lower back and ribs... John is off this weekend... drinking and debauchery should be in the plans for the weekend...

Tow truck guy comes... told him, I bet I had a worse day than you today... he says yes today.. but yesterday I had to go to an accident where an old man died.... Well yeah, I guess that trumps my bad day by like a million trillion.... perspective... oh hello there you are....

John packs me into the truck with my coffee and my crap from my car... which oh by the way I had to clean out while we were waiting for the tow truck guy because i'm a slacker and my car was a disgusting mess... but that's another show.

We drive to the dealership and I go over and give my friend Dave a hug and thank him profusely... he directs us over to the body shop... and we sit and wait while the semi-nice lady writes everything up... in the meantime the car comes in... I get another look at her and my gut sinks...  The tow truck driver comes in, and I thank him for taking good care of her.  He was really sweet.  The insurance company will pay him directly.  No charge to me.  Thank goodness. 

I decided to go into work because J and I were planning to go see a movie and I am not bleeding, and I feel obligated to go in... plus if I go home by myself, it will be an incredibly bad idea... wallowing in self pity and disgust and lots of crying and feeling sorry for myself... Work would be better.  I can't believe it, but I went to work...

Day is good at work, but a little busy, we go to the movie... Due Date... lots of Robert Downey Jr, and laughing... just what I needed.

Text message to John later that day... Your truck ate my car... uuurp!... I'm sure it made him laugh.

They tell me that my car will be good as new... after $5207.31 in damages... I can't wait to see her look like this again....

*Ironically the day before I put an emergency contact list on the common drive at work so we could all access it in case someone had an emergency.  I had J get me his number, and she mentioned that she got it from there.  He said that I jinxed myself by doing that yesterday.  Very funny guy he is. :)

If you read all the way to the end.. you deserve a prize.  Email me your address and I'll mail you a piece of my broken car :)

30 Days of Truth - Day 5

Day 5 - Something you hope to do in your life.

Well geez.  I guess most people who know me can figure this one out.

I want to be a mom.

Unfortunately, God doesn't seem to think I'm ready for that yet.

I've never been sure if I'm ready for it, I just know instinctively that I want it.  I want to be a mom so much it hurts.

It hurts so much I find myself being selfish and jealous of things that are absolutely ridiculous...

I guess I need to work on #4 up there a little more and add forgiving myself for not being able to reproduce to that list...

C

30 Days of Truth - Day 4

Day 4 - Something you have to forgive someone for.

I won't lie.  This has been a hard one for me. 

At first thought, this was easy for me.  I forgave my ex-husband and his now fiancee a long time ago for the hell they brought down on me.  I'm actually thankful that it ended, though it could have ended better, we're friendly now, and I am happy about that.

What hit me, after that realization, is that there are some things I haven't forgiven yet.  Things that I don't talk about, or think about, because it hurts too much, and I go into a downwards spiral and can't get it out of my head.  Some things that can never really be properly forgiven because the perpetrators are dead. 

As I'm finally typing this, I realize that the Truth about Day Four is to acknowledge that you have to forgive someone for something.  You don't actually have to do it.  So that's what I'm doing now.  I acknowledge that I should be able to forgive.

I thought I was to a point where I could, but I can't.  Maybe I will someday.

Here we go again.

Char

30 Days of Truth - Day 3

Day 3 - Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I've really been struggling with this one, and I don't know if it is because I don't think I have anything to forgive myself for, because I don't want other people to read it (not that anyone I know of reads this anymore, except you Bill!  Thanks for the comment :) ), or if I'm just such a perfectionist that I can't just pick one thing.

About that perfectionism thing... When I came back to the computer today.  I was actually thinking, well I'm going to have to go back and do the last two days and backdate them because I missed them and this is supposed to be 30 continuous days blah blah blah... well that's a problem of mine.  I run into a little hiccup... like having my parents over for dinner monday night and not having time to post day 3, and then yesterday the wireless connection is down at the house, and won't be up again until my ex husband can dig a router out of his garage, so I am sitting in the cluttered office typing this on my laptop that is not plugged in and will probably die in a few minutes, oh and the laptop is on top of no less than three canvas bags of stuff that i need to go through... anyway...

I need to forgive myself for lots of things, but I can't really put them into words exactly.  So let's just say I'll promise to ask a professional for help on that one.  Fortunately I go to see one next week :)

I still don't think I'm done with this yet, and I may come back later, I may not, right now, I'm worried the darn computer is going to shut down on me.

And I am very proud of myself for not AGAIN making this all about something else.  I need to quit that, I said I was going to, and I need to.  So I am.  I am I am I am.

Do you need to forgive yourself for anything?  Are you more articulate than I am?  (Not to difficult a thing.. that..) 

Is anyone playing along?  Is anyone besides Bill out there?

Char

My morning of suck.

Email to my husband this morning, after his text message to me asking how my morning was and my response was "It was a wreck and I'm a colossal idiot and I'll explain why in an email because it will take forever in text".

*****
How do I get through life, I really wonder sometimes.

So I get my lazy tired ass out of bed this morning (I didn't get to sleep last night until around 2:30am - even the one advil PM couldn't get me to sleep) and drag ass to the car, only to remember that I have the truck, and I think that all the bill stuff is in it, but it isn't... it's probably at work. (Where I should probably go, because all the food from lunch is probably still on the counter because I ran out of there like a bat out of hell yesterday - to go have a client sign a form in Palm Bay (Out by mom and dad) - I think I forgot to tell you about that...)

Anyway... so I'm driving to the Learning Lab this morning so I can get in some of the 16 hours of lab that I need. I only have about 3.5 before I came in today and we have 3 weeks of class left, so really only two weeks that I can get lab hours in... My brain hurts to do the math on that one, but suffice to say I'm screwed and I suck.

Even though I'm fairly certain you can't take food or drink into the lab (millions of computers duh). I decide that I have to stop and get coffee and an apple fritter at 7-11 - you know, the one practically across the street from BCC Melbourne.

In my incredible moronic brain fog this morning, I pack up my laptop in one bag, my books in another bag, and my suitcase of a purse - I've got to carry all this shit around with me and I don't know where the learning lab is in the mammoth group of buildings that is BCC Melbourne, and my ribs are still a little ouchy...

Oh yes, and I have a steaming foam cup of coffee... Hey if I move the books and papers to one side of my bag, I'll be able to stick my FOAM coffee cup that is full of steaming hot coffee in the bag with the books and papers, and it will free up my hands to carry all the crap I brought, and it will be fine because you know those tops are awesome on those cups......... yeah, well you see where this is going. Those tops ARE awesome, but they don't do a damn bit of good when you are dragging 90 pounds of crap across the gobi desert that is the parking lot to BCC Melbourne to find the freaking learning lab...

So about halfway there, I realize, yes, the FOAM cup changed its shape and just popped that nice little lid right off and I have hot steaming coffee sloshing around with my books and papers. Hey at least I didn't put it in with the laptop...

So I stop right in the middle of the sidewalk and take everything out of the bag... dripping with coffee... OMG... I'm such an idiot. I'm just standing there looking at it... trying to figure out what the hell to do, since I really need to get in there so I can start the clock on my hours... I put the file folders back in the bag, I stack all the other crap in my arms, and carry the whole thing, and what is left of my coffee (not much) to the lab. The woman running the lab, should be in an ESOL class and not running a learning lab, and I can't understand what she is saying and she is SLOW and I JUST want to login to the computer so I can start the clock running. I finally get logged in and I drag my crap back to a table and sit down. Look around for paper towels... or SOMETHING... to help clean up the mess... I found nothing but tissues... I look for the lady... she's gone.... she comes back and tells me that there are paper towels in the bathroom down the hall. I was JUST waiting for her to tell me that I had to sign out before I could go get paper towels. She didn't...

Anyway... that's been my morning. The thing that got mostly messed up is the bill book... the school stuff was mostly fine. My ASL dictionary has a slight twinge of coffee. Oh and I smell wonderful.

Oh yeah, and there are no drinks allowed in the learning lab. I ignored the sign, and took the cup back to my desk anyway, keeping it respectfully away from any computer. It's now almost 11:30 and I've had 3 sips.

I think I may go home and drink. Like starting at 2pm.

Love you,

Your moronic wife.

(ETA: He read the email and said "I read your email and I still don't think you're a moron", God I love that man.)

Cats cats cats

So, I think we have finally got Squeaks' vomiting under control. After a very long, very emotional, extremelly expensive process, we have her on a regular daily med regimen - and she hasn't vomited in about a week.

Of course.... Catria has vomited twice in the last three days..... FML!

I think we may have to end up giving Catria some liquid deworming medicine... I am SO freaked out by this, because she is the worst patient in the world. When she was younger she had severe behavioral issues, and we had to go through a lot of different things and a lot of medicines, and nothing worked, she eventually grew out of the behavioral issues, thank goodness. She is absolutely unruly when we try to give her meds now.... So the next few weeks should be really interesting.


Charlene

F******

Well... I guess I just jinxed myself.

Squeak hasn't missed a pill, and she threw up just now anyway.

S***

C