Thursday, February 18, 2010


My mind is calmer today. It has been a whirlwind two weeks, and I have had so many highs and lows. Right now, as I sit here with my sick kitty lying across my chest with her head on my shoulder purring like a banshee, I am calm. I poured a little vodka, peach schnapps, blood orange soda cocktail, and I've decided to sit down and write for a few minutes. Between that and talking, it's the only way it seems I can get things out of my system. Due to my stupid F'ing insurance, the therapist hasn't really been an option until recently. John has been working, and we have had family obligations that have kept us apart for much more than I care to admit.

Thankfully this weekend, we are off together and we have no plans. Well we have one plan, but it isn't anything that will keep us apart or drive us crazy. At this point, I don't have much more energy than to list the things (with a small notation) that are keeping me from sleeping without medication every night.

Squeak is sick - She has been sick for more than six months now, and I don't think she is getting any better. At this point we have her stabilized, but that could change with a single missed dose of a pill.

Shauna's death - She died last March, on the 16th. I still think of her often, and my heart breaks knowing that my Squeak is sick now too.

My father and my brother - This is the straw that is breaking my back. This last episode has put me out of commission for most of this week. I simply can not deal with it. I love them both. I see both of their sides. I will not take sides, because I love them both, and I do not want this to happen. Of course, I have no control, and it seems like no one has control, and this bus is veering down the road like something out of the movie "Speed".

Having a baby - NO we aren't having a baby yet, and **** if I can't stand hearing that ******* question one more time. We are working on it, and at times it seems freaking hopeless.

The garbage disposal is leaking water. I caught it before it ruined the cabinets, but I haven't had the time or energy to figure out what to do next, so my stockpot is catching the water and I'm pretending like it's not broken.

What is good you ask?

My husband is so wonderful I can hardly believe he is mine.

My job is awesome, and my bosses are very special,and I am so happy to be working with them.

My friend - I have a new friend that I work with, and while she isn't my sister, and I miss working with Daisy dearly, I truly treasure my new friend.

School - After nine million years of being out of school, I have taken a baby step and gone back, and I LOVE it!

Cats - Squeak and Catria shower us with love every single day, and I love them so much.


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